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A LESSON IN MAROON 5 LINEUPS FOR NEWBIESThe one on the far left is Matt Flynn. He officially joined the band after the original drummer. Ryan Dusick was like OW SHIT FUCK MY ARM and he had to leave. Matt replaced him and has been regretting his life choices ever since. He likes beer and the color green and has two lovely children and possibly a wife or woman of some sort and keeps lots of remotes in his bedThe cornfed cutie with the long flowing locks is James Valentine. Adam discovered him while he was doing blow off a dead hooker on the middle of Sunset Boulevard and asked him if he wanted to join this sick band called Maroon 5. James said to his old band, Square “lol Fuck u guyz” and joined Adam and they skipped into the Los Angeles sunset together, beginning 10 years of heated, throbbing, unresolved sexual tension.Next is Sam Farrar, former bassist for Phantom Planet. His feelings got hurt when he found out people on Twitter resented his presence and were all like “YER TAKIN MICKEY’S JORB” and so he went to PJ who was like “I know that feel bro” and they had a good manly cry. 10 years ago he predicted his own fate that he would become part of the band one day. For his years of friendship and dedication to the members of Maroon 5 they stuck him in a corner of the stage where no sunlight penetrates 
Next up is Adam Levine. In his spare time he enjoys sleepovers with James, talking about his feelings with James,  playing naked twister with James, and getting handjobs from James.Mickey Madden is a poor blind orphan who was adopted by his friend Vincent Perini. He enjoys vegan cooking & alternative lifestyles PJ’s aight. Even though he took Jesse’s jorbNot pictured: Jesse Carmichael. He left the band for a while after he was all “yo dudes I gotta take two years to find my inner aura and learn massage and save some bees” and Adam cried and cried and got real bitter and doesn’t like to talk about it. James is the only one who ever visits his house and they watch The Voice and cuddle.

This is perfect in every way.

except jesse didn’t leave for a while, he was on a hiatus (it just sounded like he quit, had to be more specific :p)

Don’t “leaving for a while” and “hiatus” mean the same thing? I mean I hope nobody is actually using this for serious information. Allow me to make a few more corrections--The thing about the dead hooker and all? She may have still been breathing. -Mickey does have parents. He visits them on Thanksgiving and his mom apparently makes a mean cranberry sauce. But she throws him to the curb afterwards yelling “I HAVE NO SON”-Adam also enjoys giving blowjobs to James.-Matt would like to add that The Dodgers suck. 

Totally means the same thing.. PS.. I love PJ and Sam..